Arctic Mark in Stanley Park

Gun Crimes 'R Us

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:55:00 -0800

It wasn't bad enough that two men (both, not surprisingly, "known to police") were gunned down in their car a couple of blocks from my apartment only a week after I moved to the Marpole neighbourhood of South Vancouver; yesterday a federal report announced that Vancouver has the worst (ie. highest) rate of gun crimes in Canada for 2007. The silver medal went to Winnipeg, with only the bronze (oh the shame!) being awarded to my hometown of Trauma, Onterrible. If only these local crime scenarios were as harmlessly innocent and whimsical as the Mary Pickford movie clip shown above.

In fact, according to police, the majority of Vancouver-area gun crimes are related to the viciously competitive illegal drug trade. Unfortunately for the rest of us law-abiding citizens, the bitter rivalry between criminal gangs in the lower mainland has been erupting more and more frequently in wild shootouts in public places, often resulting in injury or death to innocent bystanders. There have been a disturbingly high number of these kinds of incidents recently, and the nearby impromptu memorial at the stoplight at Granville & 70th is a haunting reminder to me and everyone else in my neighbourhood that these kinds of crimes can happen anywhere, anytime.

So should I be worried about going out in public in and around Vancouver? Not on your life. It used to irritate me no end back in Toronto when I'd meet someone who lived elsewhere in Ontario, and the first thing they'd say upon hearing I was from Toronto was something like: "Wow! You must be brave!! Isn't it dangerous just stepping outside your door, with all those bullets flying everywhere from all those drive-by shootings and gangland slayings going on all the time?" Now, one has to wonder: where did (and do) these people - not all from peaceful small towns, by the way - get their impression of Toronto as an all-out criminal war zone? It may sound like an easy out, but I blame the media, especially the local CTV nightly newscast, although there are plenty of other guilty parties out there. How else to explain the puzzling fact that, despite steadily declining or static crime statistics over the last 10-15 years, the public's perception of crime is that it is on a sharp but steady increase.

My admittedly paranoid theory is that the large media conglomerates like to fan the flames of middle-class (sub)urban fear and paranoia by jumping on every incident of crime, devoting more attention to it than it deserves, and framing it so that it takes on a distorted, inaccurately broad and urgent social significance. Why do they do this? Oh, I don't know...maybe because they are owned by the same conservative power brokers who have a vested interest in hard-line "law & order" political agendas, and how better to stir up public support for these agendas than by portraying every incident of crime in the city as evidence of a terrible crisis in public safety, which threatens to hit comfortable middle and upper-class voters right where they live? (Yes, I know - Michael Moore and Naomi Klein called, and they want their rants back.)

Anyway, when confronted yet again with a distorted image of Toronto from yet another non-Torontonian, I would never tire of telling that person that, impossible as it might seem, in my 40 years of living in Toronto, I had never once heard a gunshot, seen a mugging, witnessed a crime, or been a victim myself of a crime. Having said that, I'd be the first to admit that there are certain streets and neighbourhoods where one should not venture, especially alone and at night, and especially if you are a woman (at least, a woman without a black belt in martial arts, or her very own stylish personal taser).

Now, some might say that my entirely benevolent experience of Toronto doesn't reflect the crime-ridden reality of the rest of the population. Well, I do admit to spending very little time in parking lots of crowded nightclubs at 3 am, just as large numbers of inebriated and often belligerent young revellers come spilling out onto the pavement, looking for trouble, and often finding it; so I guess my perspective is clearly biased and not very representative of the general population.

On a very serious and tragic note, it was exactly the above scenario that led to the shocking death a year ago of 19-year-old Orin Felix, a very talented and promising former student of mine at Pine Ridge S.S. in Pickering. (You can Google his name if you want to read the media reports of his death.) In Orin's case, he was - true to his character - trying to break up a fight in just such a parking lot in Ajax late on a Thursday night, and he was stabbed to death for his trouble. I was utterly shocked and saddened and incredulous when I heard of his death while still up in Ulukhaktok last spring, via an email from a friend back at Pine Ridge. What a tragic and senseless loss!

And yet I'm not about to adopt an attitude of fear and paranoia just because there has been a rash of gun-related crimes in the Vancouver area in the last few months, some of which have resulted in the deaths of innocent civilians. One positive result of this recent crime wave is that, by all accounts, the police, local government officials, and the general public are all becoming fed up with the escalating "Wild West" atmosphere (sorry to stoop to a media-friendly buzz-phrase, but I couldn't resist throwing one in). There seems to be a strong public consensus that something substantial needs to be done on a large scale to get these drug-gang wars under control. We'll see how that plays out in the next few months.

In the meantime, in the immortal words of Sgt. Phil Esterhaus from "Hill Street Blues":

"Let's be careful out there!!"

P.S. If you need a break from all the doom and gloom of crime statistics, feel free to peruse the two new Photo Galleries I've just added, combining Nov. & Dec. into one, and doing the same for Jan. & Feb. I promise you won't find anything in there more dangerous than my recent first-ever snowshoeing expedition with Bryn up Hollyburn Mountain in West Vancouver's stunning Cypress Park (although we were harrassed and robbed of food scraps by a very bold little bird, as you'll see).

We Can All Make Change!

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 19:35:00 -0800

Change is definitely in the air...I think Barack Obama is right about one thing at least: people (and not just the American electorate) are hungry for change. And in his campaign for the Democratic nomination, he has so far managed to brilliantly capitalize on this widespread, if unfocused and undefined, sense of yearning. More about Mr. Obama shortly...

This recent photo (taken by a student using my camera) was a striking reminder to me of the power of visual images to transcend ideological debates and partisan politics.

On Friday, Feb. 8, in the company of three Grade 12 students from my school, I attended a conference in Richmond, BC, organized by World Vision Canada. The conference was called "Youth Empowered" and was aimed at increasing students' awareness of global development issues while building their leadership skills for community activism at the local, national and international levels. As the Chair of South Delta Secondary School's Social Justice Committee, I was encouraged by my principal to accompany our school's three student representatives to this exciting event. There were several student-focused workshops and discussions throughout the day, the most interesting of which was facilitated by two visitors from Tanzania, who led the group through an imaginary village meeting in which various community stakeholders were assigned the difficult task of determining how their allotted aid resources are to be divided amongst the competing needs of the village. In a village where there is little or no clean water, a shortage of food, poor (or non-existent) schooling, and minimal health care facilities, how does one decide which of the many pressing social needs are the most urgent? Should we relieve the most immediate short-term crises, or shift our focus instead to longer-term development of local infrastructures, or try to achieve the impossible by balancing the two? It was a fascinating process, mediated throughout by the the guests from Tanzania, along with the impressively informed World Vision staff.

One of the highlights of the day was another group activity which came out of World Vision's current "Hungry For Change" photo-essay campaign. They are asking anyone in Canada, non-students as well as students, who feels strongly that we should be increasing our foreign aid commitments rather than decreasing them, to create a photo message to that effect, using whatever available materials are at hand, but without any faces showing. Once you've created your photo-message, you can upload it to the Gallery at the World Vision website (at the link below). More photos are being added all the time, up until the campaign closes in May, at which point World Vision plans to hand deliver all of the photos to Prime Minister Harper in the hope of persuading his government to increase, rather than decrease, their commitment to international development aid. You can view the photos that have been submitted to date at the following link: http://advocacy.worldvision.ca/eactivist/worldv/wvGallery.jsp

The above photo-message was the result of my being seated at a table with four Grade 10 students from the host school, McMath S.S. in Richmond. We played around with several phrases involving the word "change," and finally agreed on the one you see above, using the loose change we had between us. (In case you hadn't guessed, my hands are the big ones on the right.) The official photographer came around and snapped photos of all of the messages created by the various groups, all of which will be posted soon on the World Vision site. I was surprised by how powerfully immediate and visceral many of these messages were. In addition to our own stellar one pictured above, one group used an amazing range of food products to spell out in large letters: "Starvation Kills." But the group whose message hit me hardest used just their bodies to send a powerful message. All six group members stood in a line with their hands covering their faces (as if in shame), and printed on the back of each person's hand in large bold letters was one word from this humbling and quite moving message: "We Can Do Better Than This." The memory of that image and message still sends shivers down my spine. As I was leaving at the end of the day with the students from my school, and we were discussing the many exciting ideas and positive impressions that we were taking away with us, it struck me that, in at atmosphere such as this, it's very difficult to maintain a posture of cynicism or despair about the monumental problems facing the world. All in all, a very productive and inspiring day, for all of the students, for the other teacher-chaperones, and for me.

All of which brings me back to Senator Obama. It seems to me that his astonishing success so far in the campaign for the Democratic nomination is due in no small part to his much-noted ability to inspire people from a broad range of backgrounds and interest groups to become engaged in the political process, from the grass-roots level right up to the highest corridors of power. While many of his actual policy positions have yet to be clearly defined, and while he may not have the depth of experience that Senator Clinton has, his calls for profound "change" in American political life - vague and undefined as they may seem at times - have nonetheless stirred up a remarkable positive reaction from a huge number of people across America, and around the world. I think people sense that there's more going on here than just more of the same old manipulative "spin" cynically engineered to win votes.

I do honestly believe that we can all make change...that we can and should think globally and act locally...or think locally and act globally...that we can and should - as Mahatma Gandhi said - "Be the change you want to see in the world." I've seen the reality of these kinds of imaginative transformations in some of my students over my eight years of teaching, and they continue to inspire me to this day. Interesting times we live in, eh? I wouldn't miss any of it for the world.

Somewhere Under the Rainbow...

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Fri, 8 Feb 2008 22:19:05 -0800

Upon seeing this spectacular double rainbow appear in my Marpole neighbourhood of South Vancouver after a rainstorm back in November, it was hard not to think that this was a sign from the powers-that-be that I'd made a good choice in moving here. Still haven't found the pot of gold, though, but I'm keeping my eyes peeled. I hope that guy with the umbrella didn't get to it first...

THE WORLD'S LARGEST PAPER CLIP?

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Sun, 3 Feb 2008 13:15:00 -0800

Anyone who lives in (or has visited) the GVA (Greater Vancouver Area) will recognize this sculpture in Vanier Park in the Kitsilano neighbourhood of Vancouver. If not, you may recall this photo as the cover of my Photo Gallery from last July. Entitled "Gate to the Northwest Passage," this sculpture stands near the entrance to False Creek, and is hard to miss. I took this photo last summer because I liked the way the sculpture framed the sunset. Reading the plaque afterwards, I was interested to discover the title, which was one of many such reminders of the north that I've encountered since moving here to the west coast last June. (By far the most ubiquitous of these would have to be the Vancouver 2010 Olympics inukshuk symbol.) Intrigued by the title, I wanted to find out more about this sculpture, and looked for information on the internet. I found an entry under "Vancouver Public Art," which I thought was worth reprinting here:

[Public Art Registry:

"Gate to the Northwest Passage" by Alan Chung Hung

NEIGHBOURHOOD: Kitsilano
OWNERSHIP: City of Vancouver
TYPE: Sculpture
STATUS: Existing

Site Name:     Vanier Park
Address:     1100 Chestnut St.
Location on Site of Work:
N.E. of Centennial Museum, along waterfront
Installed:     1980
Primary Materials:
Corten steel
Sponsoring Organization:
Parks Canada
Donor:
Historic Sites and Monuments, Parks Canada

Description of Work:
The large steel sculpture is set on a 26' x 28' plaza of paving stones. The sculpture consists of a 15' square of corten steel. Each side of the square is 15' long by 3' high by 3' wide. The bottom side appears to be cut apart in the middle and the two parts wrenched apart to form a gate or arch. The corten steel is designed so that the surface rust forms a protective coating. There was some adverse reaction from Kits Point residents when the work was installed. Michael Duncan, Chief Curator of the Maritime Museum at the time, called it "a bloody monstrosity." An article in the Globe and Mail teased that it could be "the world's largest paper clip." The article (Mar3, 1981) also quoted from a city planning study which read: "Vancouver's peerless natural setting is a permanent gift from nature. So massive and close are the North Shore mountains that no amount of human folly can ever obliterate them." But the controversy soon abated and the piece has weathered time and opinion. It was vandalized on July 4th, 1988, when a field of white dots were painted on its surfaces -probably as an art "intervention". The dots were soon removed. Since then, the "Gate to the Northwest Passage" has become a familiar landmark, an important place marker which stands guard at the entrance to False Creek. The area around the site is a favorite for kite flyers.

Artist Statement:

The parameters for the juried competition operated by Parks Canada were to create "a monument in Vanier Park to commemorate Captain George Vancouver," the first European to sail into Burrard Inlet, in 1792. The competition guidelines (1979) specified a sculpture made of permanent materials, "not wood," and that it should not be in the likeness of a man. The form of the work takes off from two 18th century navigational instruments: the plane table and David's quadrant. Chung Hung said that, "The objective of the sculpture is to create a symbolic image with definite visual expression, awakening an awareness in Captain George Vancouver's contribution to the world, his remarkable and meticulous surveys which included the north Pacific coast." The piece frames English Bay from the north view and the Centennial Museum from the south view. The opportunity for a sculpture was offered to the city by Hugh Faulkner, Minister of Indian and Northern Affairs at the time. The project was recommended by the Historic Sites and Monuments Board of Canada. A five-member jury headed by former parks superintendent Stuart Lefeaux selected Alan Chung Hung's proposal from a local competition and the Parks Board approved the choice. Gordon Smith, a member of the selection panel, said that "If people think Hung's sculpture is a poor catch, they should have seen the ones that got away." It was originally to be sited at Ferguson Point in Stanley Park.]

[This photo of a kite sitting on the sculpture was taken by "Proggie" and can be found at www.flickr.com/photos/tym/216687789/]

There are many nuggets which I found interesting or noteworthy in this entry. The controversy at the time is certainly understandable; this sculpture seems designed to provoke strong reactions. I especially enjoyed learning about the vandalism/"art intervention" involving white dots painted all over it. Aside from the Globe and Mail's justifiably glib judgement, I was amazed to read the comment from panel member Gordon Smith. Smith is arguing in essence that the public should put aside their objections and be happy with this sculpture mainly because the other contenders were much worse!! It does seem difficult to argue with that kind of logic, doesn't it?

As always with these issues, posterity will be the final arbiter. Is "Gate to the Northwest Passage" a bloody monstrosity, a poor catch, the world's largest paper clip, or "a symbolic image with definite visual expression, awakening an awareness in Captain George Vancouver's contribution to the world, his remarkable and meticulous surveys which included the north Pacific coast"? Whatever your own view might be on this question, it undoubtedly makes a nice frame for an English Bay sunset in July, or a north shore mountainscape on a sunny day, or any other breathtaking view you might want to capture from this hallowed ground in downtown Vancouver.

[This photo was taken by Sylvia Grace Borda, and can be found on the City of Vancouver's Public Art Registry website: www.city.vancouver.bc.ca/publicart_wa/jpg/110.jpg]

Season's Bleatings

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Tue, 1 Jan 2008 23:50:00 -0800

Happy New Year everybody!!! Wow...hard to believe it's now 2008...also hard to believe that it's now been well over two months since my last post!! Where DOES the time go??? I'm also amazed to see that there are still over a hundred visits here every single day, despite the complete absence of activity or new content on my part. I can think of only three possible reasons to explain this phenomenon:

1) New readers have found me through random internet searches and are reading some or all of my Arctic postings and photos for the first time (oh how I envy them that first exhilarating glimpse into the twisted world and mind of Arctic Mark); [One such reader just posted a comment today on my post from last May 2nd entitled "The Little Town That Cried Wolf." This reader, identified only as "DREDD," left a short but pithy comment which displayed a subtle and nuanced understanding of the issues I had raised in that post: "F*CK YOU ALL WOLF KILLERS!" (Asterix added.) Normally I'm not in the habit of deleting reader comments, but this is a family blogsite after all, so I had no choice but to delete it from the comment section. However, despite my disapproval of his/her language and tone, I'm grateful to DREDD for finally providing the catalyst for me to kickstart this blog-thingey into gear again after all these weeks in cyber-limbo.]

2) Old (in the non-age-specific sense), disillusioned, and yet miraculously still loyal readers are checking in on a regular basis on the increasingly miniscule chance that I might have finally gotten off my butt and actually written something new to post on here;

OR:

3) Spambots.

What are "Spambots," you ask? I'm not really sure, but I've been led to believe (by certain mysterious and sinister IT specialists) that they are mysterious and sinister computer programs that randomly send out gibberish messages to millions of websites and email addresses every day, in the hopes or receiving some responses that will give them more genuine email and website addresses to add to their mysterious and sinister master lists, which of course are guaranteed to fall into the wrong hands at the earliest possible opportunity. Over the last few months, I have received several comments here from bizarre, undecipherable email addresses, the content of which usually read something like this: "e89fyui23bjhid67b2njkinj mkwknjd899992". I was told by the Blogspirit gatekeepers that these were probably sent by Spambots, and was advised to just ignore and delete them. I have done so in every case, but I can't seem to shake this feeling that there are countless mysterious and sinister computers out there in cyberspace recording every word and image on here, and sending out occasional cryptic messages to me as obscure warnings, all the while slowly but inexorably marshalling their forces for their final assault on me, my laptop, and all of humankind.... I know, I know, these sound like the rantings of a paranoid shut-in with tin foil on his windows...but remember - just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me (and you too)!!

So, how've y'all been out there in the blogosphere, anyway?? Long time no chat with some of you. I now have unlimited long distance within Canada, so be warned: I'm going to call you very soon. Well, it's great to be back, folks, and I'm looking forward to resuming my blog duties with renewed energy and enthusiasm in this new year. (It seems appropriate that I should plunge back into the blogging fray on the first day of the new year, a day which saw Arctic Mark actually go for a lovely afternoon walk through - where else? - Stanley Park!) So much has been going on in my life, and in the Vancouver area, and around BC, and across Canada, and around the globe, that I'm sure there'll be no end of interesting material to write about. For instance, I'm currently in the process of trying to figure out the best way to organize all of my Arctic blog posts, photos, and photo comments from August, 2005, through to June, 2007, into some convenient and easily reproducible book format (self-published, or ideally published in glossy coffee-table-book format by a giant multinational corporate conglomerate). I'll keep you posted (so to speak) on my progress in that area. I'm also thinking of incorporating my Arctic blog materials into a larger book, which would be more of a retrospective memoir of my two amazing years in Holman/Ulukhaktok. Whichever format it finally takes, there's definitely a book in there somewhere (not to mention a multi-volume set of photo albums!). Not the least of my motives for doing this is the thought of how I would have a ready-made supply of Christmas and birthday presents for family and friends for years to come!

On that inspiring note, I will sign off for now, wishing everyone a most wonderful new year from the funky Marpole neighbourhood of South Vancouver!!

Jurassic Stanley Park?!

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Mon, 8 Oct 2007 19:15:00 -0700

NEWS BULLETIN FROM THE "WHAT THE $%&# WERE THEY THINKING?" DEPT.:

There was a bizarre news item making the media rounds here last week. It seems some geniuses at the Vancouver Park Board decided that Stanley Park, that beautifully verdant natural scenic highlight of the downtown area, is in dire need of a marketing makeover to draw in even more tourists, especially the paying variety.

What was their brilliant scheme? Simply this: build 25-30 giant, life-size animatronic dinosaurs and place them in the park near to the petting zoo and miniature railroad, and watch the tourists and their $$$$ flow into city coffers. Build them and they will come, apparently. Never mind that this herd of giant Robo-Dinos would look a little anachronistic (to say the least), would have nothing to do with the history of the park, and would likely disturb the enjoyment of the many people, both tourists and local residents, who come to this world-renowned park seeking an inner-city oasis of natural tranquility and beauty, not some tacky Disneyesque theme park. Many local media commentators, politicians, and members of the general public have been scratching their collective heads over this whole idea. But amongst all the local media hoopla over this plan, not one single critic that I've heard has mentioned the most pressing concern which this plan raises in my own mind: Did these Park Board people learn nothing from "Jurassic Park"??

In other news, the recent lack of the activity here at "Arctic Mark in Stanley Park" has been noted by several friends and family members, and I can only make my usual excuses: 1) my feverish preoccupation with finding a teaching job before I was forced to seek employment as either a Tim Hortons coffee-jockey, a Jehovah's Witness canvasser, or a male escort; 2) My very brief (5-day-long) career as a supply teacher for the West Vancouver Board a couple of weeks ago; 3) Getting hired on Sept. 27 for a full-time job teaching English at South Delta S.S. in sunny Tsawwassen, a lovely little town about half an hour south of Vancouver in the Fraser River Delta region, very close to the U.S. border, and also more widely known as the more southerly of the two main ferry terminals in the Lower Mainland, where one can catch the ferry over to Victoria on Vancouver Island; 4) Doing a one-day, three-hour apartment search in the Marpole neighbourhood of South Vancouver, where I landed a newly-renovated one-bedroom apartment with hardwood floors and all new appliances, etc., on Shaughnessy St., which I am moving into this Saturday, Oct. 13. My head's still spinning over the amazing fact that I managed to find a new job and apartment in the same week! 5) Oh yes, and things have been rolling along nicely on the social life front, as the more observant among you may have deduced from the September Photo Gallery ;-) So, all in all, it's been a pretty crazily busy and exciting month since my last post, although I did find time to post a batch of photos a while ago in the Sept. Photo Gallery.

Speaking of which, I have a bunch of new photos from this past weekend's very fun voyage with Bryn and my cousin Corey to Mom & Gary's place in Arbutus Ridge north of Victoria, which means I need to create the October Photo Gallery first in order to have somewhere to put them, so I'll sign off here by wishing everyone a belated Happy Thanksgiving! I'm certainly feeling very thankful right now for a whole bunch of things. The pieces of the puzzle of my new life in Vancouver seem to be falling into place pretty darned quick these days....so in other words, it's safe to assume that no blog activity means lots of life activity....no news is good news! (Note: This does not mean, however, that a flurry of blog activity necessarily means that my life has become boring, uneventful or miserable :) In essence, there's no rhyme or reason to any of this, and I'm still amazed that anyone would want to read my rambling, self-absorbed ruminations when there's so much high-quality reality-TV out there to keep you both entertained and informed. (Facetious? Moi? Never!!)

Well, folks, g2g, so I'll ttyl,

Mark

Signs of the Times (Seattle Edition)

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 22:50:00 -0700

The following signs were spotted and photographed during my recent trip to Seattle for the annual Bumbershoot Music & Arts Festival on the Labour Day long weekend. All of my photos from that fantabulous trip are now available for viewing in the September Photo Gallery, but I thought these few were worthy of special notice here, for obvious reasons (obvious to me, anyway).

"NO SNEAKER-ING ANY TIME!!!" (THIS MEANS YOU!!)

[I was informed by Michael, one of our group, that two sneakers tied together like this and thrown over a phone or power line is a universally recognized sign that there is a new drug dealer in the neighbourhood - a subtle way for dealers to mark territory, apparently. I had never heard of this before, so I'd be interested to know if any readers have heard or seen anything like this in your 'hoods. If it's true, how does one distinguish between "legitimate" sneaker-signs from actual drug dealers, and joke signs by mischievous teens pretending to be gangstas? (As I hope is the case with the sneakers thrown over the phone line beside the playground in Port Moody where Vanessa and Ian take my niece Tia to play!) Or is this all just an urban myth?]

"NEED A LOAN? GOT A GUN? NO PROBLEM!!"

[I think this one is fairly self-explanatory, but seeing a sign like this does jolt you into a sudden realization that you are indeed in a different (alien?) country, one with its own distinctive history, social values and political culture.]

"BEST DEAL IN TOWN!! WE WILL NOT BE UNDERSOLD!!"

[This sign is found, not surprisingly, in the Pioneer Square section of Old Seattle, which was rebuilt right over

the ruins of the original city that were destroyed in a terrible fire many decades ago. I have to wonder: is that 75 cents per night, or per hour, or per minute?]

"IS IT A PLUM?? IS IT AN APRICOT? NEITHER! BOTH!!"

[Is it just me, or is the word "pluot" a really awkward and goofy neologism? I think "Apricum" is much more fitting and evocative, don't you? When I first saw this sign, I thought for sure it must be a joke, some kind of Monty Python stunt - "Get yer pluots here! Fresh, tasty pluots! What'll ye have, guv?" - where the pluot turns out to be a chocolate-dipped beetle or deep-fried rabbit turd. But whatever you want to call them, one thing is certain: they sure are juicy and delicious!]

"DO NOT ENTER: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL"

(ALTERNATE TITLE: "LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL: DO NOT ENTER")

[Isn't it interesting how a judiciously chosen and strategically placed sticker can alter, expand and/or subvert the explicit message on a public sign? Whichever way you choose to read this Seattle sign of the times, you will be inexorably drawn into a swirling vortex of paradox upon paradox...]

"PUNK ROCK YOGA!!!" (ONLY IN SEATTLE...)

[This photo was taken by Bryn, who only noticed the poster on the left once she got home to Vancouver, whereupon she immediately emailed a copy of this photo to me, knowing how much I would enjoy the concept of "Punk Rock Yoga." And what a perfect Seattle concept is it, too - combining the west-coast granola-peacenik associations of yoga with the hard-core grunge attitude of Seattle. I'm only sorry I couldn't stay around to actually attend a class or two - what a goldmine of photo ops and blog fodder that experience would have provided! Embodying as it does the essence of Seattle - determined by yours truly over the course of a mere 3-day visit - I think this photo is also the ideal piece with which to end this blog entry.]

[Note to readers who would prefer more text and less photos in their posts: Since a picture is worth 1000 words, this post is actually well over 6,000 words long. - hairsplitting ed.]

NWT RULES!! (And Coquitlam doesn't stink!!)

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 22:35:00 -0700

Well, it seems that many of you decided to rise to the challenge and be Tested along with the Nation (and me) on Sunday night. It's been great hearing from so many of you, with your kind words of encouragement, support and friendly rivalry. Amazingly enough, the High School English Teachers did not emerge triumphant overall, losing a hotly contested battle in the final rounds to the (gasp!) Ad Writers!! In the aftermath of the taping last March, one of our team explained away the Ad Writers' victory as the very predictable result of their superb training years before at the hands of their high-school English teachers. Um, yeah, that's it...of course! How else to explain our unconscionable defeat? :)

Anyway, it was some consolation for me to discover that, among the many statistical tidbits compiled by the CBC during the show, the regional results showed that the Northwest Territories had the highest score of any region in Canada! (Thus the title of this post, which was also the slogan I had scrawled on the little chalkboard they gave each member of the teacher team to brandish as a symbolic prop.) I'd like to attribute this to some kind of wonderful, spontaneous rallying of the residents of my home territory (at the time) behind their sole representative. But perhaps it's just a result of the fact that, per capita and pound for pound, the NWT has a higher percentage of wily wordsmiths than any other region of Canada. Or maybe it's because only three people in the entire NWT actually watched and played along, and they happened to score very high on the test. I guess we'll never know the full story.

If you'd like to see all of the results and statistical breakdowns, as well as a CBC photo gallery from the show, you can log onto the "Test The Nation" website: http://www.cbc.ca/testthenation/index.html

At the very least, all of you (non-Saskatchewan-types) now know the correct term for a hooded sweatshirt in Saskatchewan: a "bunny hug"! I think two hours of your life last Sunday night was a small price to pay for that golden nugget of linguistic lore.

Signing off from sunny Coquitlam, (the "place that stinks of fish slime"),

Mark

P.S. After just discovering the true meaning of the name of the community I live in just east of Vancouver, I'd like to report that I haven't noticed much fish slime stench since I moved here earlier this summer. Just the occasional aroma of BC Bud wafting over from the grow-op down the street (before the cops shut it down - see my previous post "There Goes The Neighbourhood" from July 28), mixed with the piquant fragrance of freshly spilled oil from the pipeline that burst during a construction accident in neighbouring Burnaby several weeks ago. Several houses, trees, cars, people and pets in the immediate area were doused with a thick shower of falling oil, which took weeks to clean up, and which also unfortunately drained into nearby Burrard Inlet. Officials and scientists are still assessing the environmental impact. But don't get me started on the damage to local real estate property values! There goes the neighbourhood (again)...

Shameless Self-Promotional Plug #247

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Sun, 9 Sep 2007 10:30:00 -0700

ARCTIC MARK IS GOING TO BE ON TV TONIGHT!!

Yes, it's true, and for those of you who managed to escape my mass-emailing a few days ago - otherwise known as "Shameless Self-Promotional Plug #246 - I present for your perusal below one of the many CBC newsletters I've received over the last few weeks. This is the quiz show that I took part in last March 17 in Toronto, where I was flown by the CBC to be one of 40 high-school English teachers from across Canada, competing against six other teams. The show was taped for broadcast later in the year, which happens to be tonight, so you'll finally get to see what all the fuss is about. You can also take a gander at my posts and Photo Galleries from last February and March to see my backstage photos and read all about my experiences traveling to Toronto and doing the show. I have no idea how often I'll be appearing or visible during the two-hour show, or whether my 15-second interview by Brent Bambury ended up on the cutting-room floor. All will be revealed tonight at 8pm on CBC-TV. If you want to play along and take the quiz live in "real time," you can keep track of your answers with pen and paper, or you can log onto the CBC site below and play on-line. My score was a pretty respectable 59 out of 70 (84%), so I'd love to hear how well any of the rest of you do on the quiz.

Can you beat Arctic Mark's score in the ultimate test of verbal virtuosity, grammatical greatness, linguistic liveliness and literary lithesomeness?? I believe the gauntlet has been thrown down. ;-)

CBC TELEVISION TESTS THE NATION’S LANGUAGE SKILLS!!
WILL HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS OUTSMART THEIR STUDENTS? TUNE IN THIS SUNDAY, SEPT. 9 AT 8 P.M. TO FIND OUT!!

Ever wondered what teens r tlkg about? Need a transl8tr? Canadians will have an opportunity to decipher teen speak, and a chance to test their linguistic wits—Canadian style—when TEST THE NATION: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE telecasts Sunday, Sept. 9 at 8 p.m. on CBC Television. Wendy Mesley (Marketplace) and Brent Bambury (Go) are back to host the second edition of the series, a two-hour interactive quiz show about how we use—and abuse—the English language, with a unique Canadian twist.

There’s no doubt about it—Canadians have their own highly distinctive form of the English language. In fact, Canadian English is so unique we even have our own edition of the Oxford Dictionary. But, how well do we actually know Canadian English? Can the average person tell a metaphor from a spoonerism? What about regional expressions?

The show will also challenge common beliefs about language aptitude. Will participants who watch 16 to 20 hours a week of television outwit the bookworms? We know that girls often start talking before boys, but which sex will prevail in TEST THE NATION: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE?

In the studio, seven teams—a total of 240 people from every province and territory—will be tested on their word wisdom. The teams are word gamers, ad writers, English teachers, fraternities and sororities, comedians, romance novelists and celebrities. The celebrity team includes Cathy Jones, Sheila McCarthy, Kim Stockwood, Patrick McKenna, Sook-Yin Lee, Russell Smith and Andrew Coyne. In addition, 10 high schools from across the country will battle it out: Lester B. Pearson High School, Alta.; Rick Hansen Secondary School, B.C.; Shaftsbury High School, Man.; Harbour View High School, N.B.; Gander Collegiate, Nfld.; Halifax West High, N.S.; Gananoque Secondary School, Ont.; Morell Regional High School, P.E.I.; Philemon Wright High School, Que.; and Walter Murray Collegiate, Sask.

Studio contestants and viewers at home will be asked 70 questions in seven categories: Spelling Eh?, Language Terms, Made In Canada, Teen Speak, Everyday Mistakes, The Arts, What the …? and Word Origins. At the end of the show, the results will be averaged and each group’s overall score will be announced as well as the highest individual score.

“More than 1.5 million Canadians loved the interactive element of Test the Nation: IQ, and 200,000 played online,” said Kirstine Layfield, executive director, network programming, CBC Television. “We’re confident that viewers will be entertained when they sit back and take the language test with their families.”

Viewers can play along live by logging onto http://www.cbc.ca/testthenation, with pen and paper or with the official scorecard provided by Quaker in the Sept. 8 edition of the National Post and available for download on the website.

The next instalment of CBC Television’s TEST THE NATION franchise, testing knowledge of world trivia, will air in January. TEST THE NATION: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE is a CBC television production. The executive producer is Jim Williamson.

The Tip of the Nuclear Iceberg?

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Fri, 7 Sep 2007 22:50:00 -0700

I wasn't sure what to make of this when I saw it recently behind a high-security fence near the harbour in Port Moody. Is it the rusted remains of a space capsule? The broken tip of a giant mechanical pencil? Or could it be the unthinkable worst-case scenario: the possibly still-armed warhead of a nuclear missile? One thing is certain: in its current condition, it's in no danger of exceeding the posted speed limit of 20 km/h.

It's also interesting to note that this mysterious and ominous-looking object was sighted in Port Moody, an otherwise peaceful and innocuous suburban community lying just to the east of Vancouver. Undoubtedly Vancouver itself would never tolerate such an object in its "nuclear weapons free zone," but apparently the surrounding communities are fair game for the unrestrained stockpiling of a nuclear arsenal. I suspect that, in terms of secret stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction in the lower mainland of B.C., this is just the tip of the iceberg (so to speak). Stay tuned for more paranoid and possibly delusional ravings, coming soon...

Signs of the Times (Vancouver Edition)

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 14:35:00 -0700

This sign adorns a lamp-post as you enter the City of Vancouver coming from the airport in Richmond. The first time I saw it, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief: finally - a safe haven!! After years of trying to negotiate the endless proliferation of missile silos which are now clogging the streets and suburbs of Toronto, and after mistakenly thinking that Ulukhaktok, a small remote fly-in community in the NWT, would be free of nuclear weapons (only to discover that a local resident who is a Vietnam vet has a nuclear missile from his old US Navy jet openly displayed right in his house!), I have finally arrived in a place where I can at last get a peaceful night's sleep, free from the worry of instant overnight annihilation due to the accidental detonation of a stray missile from our ever-growing nuclear arsenal. Oh those crazy west-coast peaceniks (of which I am apparently now one)!

Well, I might be able to sleep, if I could only erase the image in my head from this past Monday's Vancouver edition of the The Globe and Mail, which featured a photo (taken from behind, thank the photographer's discretion!) of several dozen joggers (mostly men) taking part in the Annual "Naked Buns Run" on Wreck Beach, the "clothing optional" beach near the UBC campus. There was also recently a "Naked Buns Bike Ride" (can you say "chafing"?) Okay, people, there's a reason (apart from sweat absorption and UV protection) why clothing was invented....Oh those crazy west-coast nudeniks (of which I most definitely am not one)!

I saw this sign on the same corner as the previous sign, and felt compelled for some strange reason to snap this photo of it. Oh those crazy west-coast door enthusiasts (of which I guess I might be one, being quite fond of doors - second only to walls - as handy room-separation devices)!

Well, I guess your fancy "Suite" isn't so hospitable after all, is it? Oh those crazy west-coast hospitality-restrictors

(of which I am definitely not one, believing that hospitality should be free and open to one and all at all times)!

Everybody's A Critic

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 11:41:23 -0700

Last night, we passed the half-way point for the Rites of Passage run: 6 shows down, 4 to go. The show has hit its stride now, getting a little better every night, and the cast are really enjoying themselves, as are us musician types who comprise the band. And there's an interesting update in the critical response from audience members: one recent respondent didn't like the show because it was, in this person's opinion, "too churchy." So I think this response cancels out the previously noted comment that the show is "too satanic." It seems the critical balance has been nicely restored: one vote for "too satanic" vs. one vote for "too churchy" = "wholesome, religiously neutral, family-friendly musical theatre entertainment!!" Is there a lesson here? Maybe just that, regardless of the reaction of any one particular squeaky wheel with an axe to grind (how's that for a mixed metaphor?), the show must go on....

"Rites of Passage": Now Playing in Port Moody!

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 11:45:00 -0700

RITES OF PASSAGE THEATRE PROJECT

FREE outdoor spectacle theatre! Rites of Passage is a celebration of youth, a transition, a vision quest, an event, a party and a show all rolled into one! It’s a community-professional collaboration. An actual coming-of-age cerermony for youth theatricalized with music and dance. Youth volunteers who have never rehearsed with us will be taken from the audience, and brought to the underworld, only to return…if they can! August 9-12 & 14-19, 2007, 7pm. No show Monday; inside if raining. At the new Outdoor Stage at the Inlet Theatre, Port Moody. Info: www.dreamridertheatre.com

Yes, folks, the rumours are true: the peaceful hamlet of Port Moody, BC (the "City of the Arts" located about half an hour's drive east of Vancouver) has been taken over by a group of (mostly) teenaged demons, zombies, singers, dancers and actors. Dreamrider Theatre, the theatre company created and run by my very talented sister, Vanessa, and her equally talented husband, Ian, premiered their brand-new summer production, the "Rites of Passage Theatre Project," Thursday evening at the new Outdoor Stage at Port Moody's Inlet Theatre, at the City Hall complex off Ioco Rd. in Port Moody. The first three shows have been well attended by appreciative and enthusiastic audiences, and each night the show is getting better and more polished. I can attest to this because I'm part of the "band" which consists of Vanessa, myself, and a rotating group of truly "international" percussionists, from Iran, Afghanistan and the Caribbean. I'm playing keyboards on four songs, and percussion (yes, you read that right) on a bunch of others. If you happen to be in the Vancouver area over the next week or so, that bizarre spectacle in itself should be enough to lure you down to the Inlet Theatre to check out the show :) But seriously, it's a great show - very entertaining and (dare I say it?) uplifting, with energetic performances from a large cast of talented teens, along with a few adults too. And it's free!!

If you need further persuading, how about this intriguing tidbit: during last night's show, one audience member left in a huff about halfway through, and in the audience survey she left at the admission table, she wrote that, in her opinion, Port Moody should never produce or encourage this kind of theatre again, because it was "too satanic," and music theatre should just be happy and fun. Overlooking the fact that this show is actually quite happy and lots of fun, and ends on a very positive, inspiring note, this woman apparently was offended by the presence of demons and zombies in the show, and by the fact that the story centres on the ritual journey through the "underworld" undertaken by a new, different teen audience volunteer each night. We all had a good laugh, along with a lot of head-shaking and eye-rolling upon reading this person's comment. The word "clueless" came to mind.

I was reminded of that time, years ago, when I first started teaching in Pickering, Ontario, and my employer, the Durham District School Board, gained national and international attention for banning the Harry Potter books from our elementary schools because they believed that these books encouraged children to practice the black arts of witchcraft. Fortunately, they soon rescinded that ban, much to the relief of many embarrassed Durham residents and employees, myself included. It constantly amazes me that people can so completely miss the point of works of art like these, and feel so insecure in their own beliefs and threatened by certain subjects taken out of context. So to set the record straight: despite the fact that the photos above clearly show a bunch of kids clowning around and having a blast, this show in no way encourages, celebrates, promotes or advocates the idea that anyone should become (or associate with) a demon or a zombie!! So come out to see this wonderful piece of community musical theatre and see what all the fuss is about!! (Warning: you may risk your immortal soul!) The show runs every night (except Monday) at 7 pm through till next Sunday, August 19.

SPECIAL BONUS ATTRACTION DURING EVERY SHOW: RARE APPEARANCE BY GIANT BIRD PUPPET!!

[These photos were taken on Saturday, June 30, during the "Golden Spike Days" celebration at Port Moody's Rocky Point Park. This was an example of Vanessa and Ian's very successful attempt at "guerilla marketing" - or should that be "gorilla"? We set up this giant bird puppet right by the front gates of the park, with Ian and I holding up the head and tail, and two of the teenaged cast members holding up the wings. That's my niece, Tia, playing in the foreground. We all stood like this for about 3 hours, during which Vanessa strolled up and down the line-up of park visitors, handing out cards (more than 500!) advertising the upcoming show. It was actually a lot of fun, being the centre of such an impressive public spectacle, but I have to admit that, dressed in all white along with Ian and Vanessa, I did feel at times like a member of some strange religious cult, perhaps one that worships demons and zombies and giant birds :-) But considering that the origins of theatre emerged from communal ritual practices in every culture around the world, maybe that kind of connection isn't so strange after all. But all of this is beside the point: it's a great, fun show, and if you're in the Vancouver or Port Moody area during the next week, you should come out and see it!!]

There Goes the Neighbourhood...

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 09:05:00 -0700

At first glance, most people (myself included) would pass by a house that looked like this one here in Coquitlam without giving it a second look. There are an infinite number of similar houses in the Vancouver area, and this one happens to be located on Robinson St. in Coquitlam, BC. Why is this specific address important, you may be asking? Well, because I happen to be living in a house two doors down, and my attention was drawn to my neighbour's house in the most compelling (and surprising) way last week. On Thursday, July 19, I arrived home around suppertime to the sight of several police cars converged around the front of this house, and from talking to my landlady and another neighbour, I discovered that the police were apparently investigating an alleged marijuana "grow-op" at this seemingly normal suburban house.

Now, I wasn't surprised by this news in itself; almost every day there's a report in the news here about another grow-op bust. The marijuana industry in BC is a huge and thriving part of the local economy, and anyone you talk to here will tell you that "BC bud" is reputed to be among the best, if not the best, in the world, so there's clearly a limitless market for the stuff. What was surprising to me was that this was happening just two houses down from my house. In the 40-odd years (and they were pretty odd, weren't they?) that I lived in various neighbourhoods all across Toronto, I never experienced anything like this.

(Amusing footnote: while visiting my mom and stepdad on Vancouver Island last weekend, only two short days after the grow-up bust, my mom and I went into the town of Duncan, just up the highway, and we were walking around the quaint downtown core of little shops and restaurants when we happened to walk past a storefront sign that advertised "bongs" and other marijuana-related paraphernalia. The store's windows were all mirrors, which I assume were meant to prevent passers-by from looking inside. After explaining to my mom what a bong was, and as we both commented on how incongruous this shop seemed among all the surrounding fashionable boutiques, I noticed the store's clever and catchy slogan: "Everything you need, except the weed!" For those shoppers who have everything they need but are in need of some weed, if you happen to be in the Coquitlam area, I hear that #743 Robinson St. is - oops, make that used to be - a good place to buy some "product.")

When I walked over to take a closer look at this hive of police activity, I noticed that the cops had placed a large sandwich-board on the sidewalk, which read: "POLICE DRUG INVESTIGATION". (The police in BC are renowned for their quiet discretion.) I wanted to take a photo of all of this, but it was getting too dark by this time, so I thought I'd come back in the morning to snap some pictures. As it turned out, after being awakened several times during the night by the soothing sounds of power tools (which I found out later were used to cut through a steel door at the back of the house), I woke up around 7:30 am to find that the police were all gone, along with their power tools and sandwich-board. The picture that you see above of the house at the centre of this frenzy of law-enforcement looked as serene and innocent as any other house (mine included!) on this quiet suburban block. It felt a little surreal looking at the house now; it was hard to believe that all of this had taken place over the previous night, with no sign now that anything was amiss.

So what have I learned from this experience? First of all, that Cannabis Culture is everywhere out here, from the bong store in Duncan, to the grow-op next door in Coquitlam, to the dreadlocked "fakin' Jamaican" white Rasta dude I saw downtown recently wearing a t-shirt with the Canadian flag on it, except this flag had a green marijuana leaf instead of a red maple leaf, and the caption read: "O Cannabis." I also learned that appearances can be deceiving (as perhaps they were with that white Rasta dude), and that an innocuous-looking house down the street can turn out to be a corrupt den of criminal activity! But most importantly, I learned that the spirit of free enterprise, that entrepreneurial drive which made this country the great economic powerhouse that it is today, is still alive and flourishing in B.C.

It does make me wonder, though, about those posters that you see everywhere claiming that you can "Earn thousands of $$$$ a month working at home!!!" I never believed that was possible before, but now I'm not so sure...

This Just In: Intolerable Blog Limbo Soon To End!!

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 22:50:00 -0700

Greetings, one and all (and a special shout out to G-Money and the rest of my peeps up in the U-Dot - I miss all of you crazy kids too)!! I can't believe it's now been just over a month since my last post and last new photos...where does the time go?? I've been busy as the proverbial beaver over these last few weeks, and as a result have let my blog duties slide a little bit (okay, a lot), but I'm here to say that the drought here at Arctic Mark is now officially over! Yes, that's right: for the last month, I've been carefully rebuilding my blogging infrastructure, recharging my blog batteries, and firing up my blog engines, and any day now, I'm going to add actual new photos to the June and July Photo Galleries, and write some new posts telling you all about what I've been up to!! No lie!! Exciting new stuff is coming very, very soon! Tell your friends!

As a tantalizing taste of things soon to come, I'll leave you with this photo of "The King" (size grande), who I spotted a few weeks ago at the Canada Day "Golden Spike Days" festival at Rocky Point Park here in Port Moody. As you can see, even 30 years after his death, Elvis is still truly larger than life:

"Thank yew! Thank yew verra much!"

(Arctic Mark has left the building.)

The ABC's of Life in B.C.

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 22:50:00 -0700

Howdy, everyone! It's been over a week now since I left Ulukhaktok and arrived in Vancouver, and I'm having a great time here in B.C. so far, but still suffering some residual culture shock, not to mention climate shock! It still feels a bit surreal to have been parachuted so quickly out of the Arctic and into this crazy-west-coast-hippie-rainforest town, but unlike last summer's visit (of which this photo is a fond souvenir), this time I'm here for good (well, as much as anything in life - and in my life in particular - can be "for good.") A big part of me is still back in Ulukhaktok, and perhaps always will be.

When I decided to continue this blog into my "post-Arctic period," I did so knowing full well that I would face an uphill battle: how could I possibly maintain the interest of my faithful readers who have followed my Arctic adventures and enjoyed my Arctic photos over the past two years? I can understand why so many in the south (and the north) might be intrigued by the window into my corner of the remote Arctic that I had provided, but why on earth would anyone in their right mind want to read about my life in Vancouver?? (Just switched to a new web browser on my Mac laptop which allows me to use the full range of word-processing options here - like bold, italics and underline - which I could only access at school before, so LOOK OUT!!) I guess all I can do is continue on from my new west-coast vantage point and see whether anybody is still interested in reading what I have to say, and looking at pretty pictures of BC scenery and local life (which are, as always, coming soon!).

And if not, so be it. I'll still have this very valuable and enjoyable outlet for my creative energies, for my ruminations on life, the universe and everything, and for my insatiable need to create cringe-worthy puns at every available opportunity. And I promise to try my darndest to keep this thing up and running for as long as possible - or to paraphrase Charlton Heston: "until they pry my laptop from my cold dead hands" - while always maintaining the high standards of edu-tainment that you've come to expect from all of us here at "Arctic Mark" Enterprises.

So without further ado, here are my initial, completely subjective, and not even remotely exaggerated or stereotyped conclusions about life in B.C., after my first 12 days:

THE ABC'S OF LIFE IN B.C.

A is for - Asian cultures - Especially in Vancouver, the presence of cultures from the Pacific Rim countries in Asia is a strong and vibrant part of the cultural landscape here.

B is for - Birkenstocks - the classic sandal associated with hippies and the B.C. lifestyle since time immemorial. Despite the rumours out there, I don't actually own a pair. I tried them once, years ago, and found them very uncomfortable, and it was impossible to run for the bus while wearing them.

C is for - Cats - Based on my unofficial survey, everyone and her sister has at least one cat in Vancouver. My theory: no-one wants to get a dog, because then they'd have to walk the damn things in all that rainy weather.

D is for - Dogs - Despite my above-mentioned theory, it seems that everyone and his brother has a dog or two in Vancouver. My theory: There are so many parks and green spaces and great walks around these parts, that eventually you just have to get a dog to give you more excuses to get out there, and also more reasons to complain about having to walk the damn things in all that rainy weather.

E is for - Enviro-/Eco- - It really is true that there is a heightened consciousness out here about all things environmental and ecological. When you're surrounded by such abundant natural spendours, lush vegetation, and diverse wildlife, it's not hard to see why so many people want to conserve and protect it all.

F is for - Frisbee - (Yes, I could have gone with "forests," but wouldn't that have been too obvious?) Essential leisure tool for the true devotee of west-coast hippiedom.

G is for - Goretex / Granola / Ganja - Some might call these the "unholy trinity" of life in B.C. Not me, though. I'm quite happy enjoying only the first two, thank you very much.

H is for - Hackeysacks - Another essential leisure tool for the true devotee of west-coast hippiedom.

I is for - Incense - Burned in many, many, many homes and yoga studios out here.

J is for - Jogging - Based on my unofficial survey, everyone and his sister (including my sister now) jogs in some form or another, whether in a running group, or with their dog, or a running buddy, or in training for one of the many year-round marathons you can partake in here. I think jogging is very close to becoming mandatory in B.C., so I might as well start now before it becomes the law of the land.

K is for - Kayaking - The cool, west-coast version of canoeing. (Some people do canoe here too, although no-one talks about it openly). I haven't tried kayaking yet, but can't wait to get out on the ocean and paddle out into a pod of playful Orcas.

L is for - Laid-Back - Both the official posture and the official attitude of B.C. Like, seriously, dude, you can't chillax to the max if you're not, like, totally laid-back!

M is for - MEC (Mountain Equipment Co-op) - The store that embodies all that is good (and self-righteous) about B.C. I've been a member for years, and it's still the place I go to first for all my outdoor gear needs.

N is for - New Age Spirituality - Whether it's some form of native spirituality such as shamanism, a variant of one of the many eastern religions such as buddhism, or a pagan belief system like the wiccan movement, or some combination of the above, you'll find it flourishing here, and you'll find a thriving community of fellow spiritualists with whom you can explore the spiritual path of your choice.

O is for - Olympic Fever - Most Vancouverites I've spoken to have plans to sublet their homes and take a vacation out of province during the 2010 Winter Olympics here in Vancouver, but the province is pulling out all the stops in their pro-Olympics boosterism. I chose to opt out of the hoopla for now, at least to the extent of refusing to pay an extra $35 for my own Official Olympics License Plates when I licensed my car with B.C. plates last week.

- Ontario Refugees - They're everywhere out here!! And it's not just because I am one myself that I'm imagining seeing them on every street corner, and behind every tree! Good luck trying to find someone in Vancouver who 1) was actually born here, or 2) is not from Onterrible. And who do you think are the worst Ontario-trashers and Toronto-bashers in B.C.? That's right - the refugees from those very places! Note: I will go on record here by stating that I will never join those ranks of my fellow ex-Torontonians who delight in bad-mouthing their city and province of origin. Toronto is, and always will be, THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE!!

P is for - Parks - There are a whole mess of 'em here, enough for several lifetimes' worth of hiking, camping, and exploring.

Q is for - Queen Charlotte Islands - By all accounts, one of the most stunningly beautiful places in B.C., which I'm determined to visit at some point. Also known as "Haida Gwaii" ("The land of the Haida"), these islands are the home of the Haida First Nations, and also a flashpoint for logging rights conflicts, native land claims negotiations, and other sustainable development issues in the natural resources sector.

R is for - Rain - Of the 12 days that I've been here so far, I think maybe two have been sunny - all the rest have been grey, cloudy and (surprise!) rainy, although sprinkled here and there with the occasional tantalizing patch of sun and blue sky. I've dusted off my old blue MEC (Mountain Equipment Co-op) Goretex rain jacket, and am trying my best not just to learn to accept the rain, but even to love it. (I think this will take some time, but I keep telling myself, "Just look at all the lush greenery in this temperate rainforest paradise - it wouldn't be here if not for the rain!" Work with me here, self, work with me.)

S is for - Stanley Park - The new "home" of Arctic Mark, and mecca for tourists and local residents who come to walk or blade around the Seawall, it was decimated by the wicked windstorms this past winter, and may take years to fully recover from the damage.

- Sushi - Everyone and their siblings eats sushi here, and there is literally a sushi restaurant on every corner not just in Vancouver, but in the 'burbs too!

- Starbucks - Everyone and their siblings drinks Starbucks coffee here, and there is literally a Starbucks on every corner not just in Vancouver, but in the 'burbs too!

- Smart Cars - Yes, they look dorky on Toronto streets, and yes, they could be crushed like a ripe canteloupe by a Mini just as easily as by a Hummer or a Mack truck, but somehow out here they look cool, and there are a lot more of them too, not surprisingly (see the letter "E" above).

T is for - Tofu-eating, tie-dye-wearing, Toronto-bashing, Tai Chi-practising, Tofino-dwelling tree-huggers - I think this one is self-explanatory. The scary thing is that I do eat tofu from time to time, and I have studied Tai Chi, and I have one t-shirt from Indonesia which, while not strictly tie-dye, has a batik design which looks suspiciously like tie-dye! Yikes! That's three out of six!! How long can I hold out against the other three??!!

U is for - Umbrellas - See the letter "R"

V is for - Vegetarians / Vegans - They're everywhere out here. According to my very unofficial survey, they outnumber carnivores 3 to 1. (I suspect that in neighbouring Alberta the numbers would be reversed and multiplied by a factor of 10.) And it's only really my fanatical and deep-seated attachment to chicken (and to a much lesser extent, fish), along with the occasional slice of bacon or beef burger, that keeps me from fully crossing the line onto the Dark Side.

W is for - Wiccans - They're everywhere out here. But relax - these are the "good" witches. And according to my very unofficial survey, they outnumber the "bad" witches by 3 to 1. And they've got spells galore for whatever ails you - just don't cross them ;-)

X is for - X-travagantly, X-orbitantly X-pensive Real estate - Last December, one downtown Vancouver condo sold for a record ten million dollars!! Will I ever be able to afford my own place here? In Vancouver - only if I win the lottery. In the outlying areas or on Vancouver Island - much more likely. Location, location, location...

Y is for - Yoga - Everyone and their siblings does some form of yoga here, and there is literally a yoga studio on every corner not just in Vancouver, but in the 'burbs too!

Z is for - Zulu Records - Located in the groovy Kitsilano neighbourhood in Vancouver, this is perhaps the coolest record store in the world (although High Life on Commercial Drive could be a contender for the title). It's small, but the staff are incredibly knowledgeable and helpful without the slightest hint of pretense or condescension. Even in this post-CD, mp3 & iPod world, it's impossible to go into Zulu Records without buying something fantabulous to add to your music collection.

There you have it, folks: the condensed impressions of my first 12 days of living in Vancouver, B.C. I hope that you have taken my ABC's in the spirit they were intended, and with a large grain of salt. I also hope that I have not offended any Wiccans, vegetarians, vegans, yoga or Tai Chi practitioners, Tofino residents, Ontario refugees, New Age believers, Starbucks regulars, sushi-eaters, tofu-eaters, joggers, kayakers, incense-users, hackeysack-players, ganja-smokers, environmentalists, tree-huggers, cat and dog owners, Birkenstock-wearers, tie-dye-wearers, Smart Car drivers, real estate dealers, or members of the various Asian communities in and around Vancouver. I have so much still to learn about this majestic and wonderful province, and I welcome any comments about anything on my list, especially anything I've overlooked in my ABC's.

Thank you and good night.

AMISP

Goodbye, Ulukhaktok...Hello, Vancouver!

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Wed, 6 Jun 2007 22:25:00 -0700

THIS JUST IN: AFTER TWO AMAZING YEARS LIVING ON THE NORTH COAST OF CANADA (THE REGION KNOWN TO SOME AS THE "MARCTIC"), "ARCTIC MARK" MOVES TO THE WEST (ie. LEFT) COAST, CHANGES THE NAME OF HIS BLOG, DUSTS OFF HIS BIRKENSTOCKS, TIE-DYE SHIRTS AND FRISBEE, AND TRIES TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL!! DETAILS AT 11...

I can't quite believe I'm here - in Vancouver, that is (or Port Moody, to be more precise). In the past 24 hours I've been visiting with my sister Vanessa, my brother-in-law Ian, and my 4-year-old niece Tia, as well as Mom and Gary, who happily extended their stay in Vancouver in order to be here for my arrival. And tonight I sat in on the auditions that Vanessa and Ian are holding for their first community theatre production this summer in Port Moody. It's all been wonderful in the extreme, but also more than a little surreal. In addition to the usual jet-lag, I think I'm suffering from acute (but hopefully temporary) culture-shock, climate-shock, and life-upheaval shock.

Just yesterday I was still in Ulukhaktok, rushing around like the proverbial chicken trying to tie up a few remaining loose ends of the life I had built there over the past two years. My feelings were very mixed indeed as the final few days and then hours flew by. Of course I was excited about moving to Vancouver to be closer to my family, and I was feeling eager to start the next phase of my life, but the reality of the impending move was also hitting home: my wonderful Arctic adventure was coming to an end, and when I left this time, I would not be be coming back after summer holidays were over. And as much as I might like to return here again some day, the remoteness of this community and the exorbitant cost of northern air travel will probably make that wish difficult if not impossible to fulfill. On the other hand, never say never :) Who knows what the future will bring?

I had hoped to be able to go for a nice long "last hike" before leaving, but sadly just didn't have the time. I took the following series of photos out the window of the minibus on the way to the airport, then at the airport, and finally out the window of the First Air plane as we took off up into the dazzling blue Arctic summer sky. I'm going to post them all here in the order I took them, without commentary, as a photo montage of the final moments of my Arctic adventure. When I put them into the June Photo Gallery, I'll have had some more time to reflect on everything, and may add some comments to them there.

MY FINAL IMAGES OF ULUKHAKTOK:

Goodbye, Ulukhaktok, the place where materials to make ulus are found...Goodbye, Holman, named after some obscure British doctor who never had the good fortune to visit this very special place...Goodbye, and a big "KOANA!" to all the people there who became my friends, and temporary family, and colleagues, and students, and graduates, and Bingo audience, and volleyball teammates, and fellow printmaking classmates, and friendly neighbours. You welcomed me and made me feel a part of your community for the past two years, and you will always be an important part of me, no matter where I may go next, or where I may end up. I've got you under my skin, and in my blood, and in my heart. I'm missing you already; actually, I was missing you even before I left. Take care, everyone, and I hope our paths will cross again some day!

"I wouldn't have believed it, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes!!"

"B-I-N-G-Ohhh YEAHHHH!!!"

Arctic Mark

xoxo

A Sign of the Times

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Thu, 31 May 2007 22:30:00 -0700

This poster appeared late yesterday on the school bulletin board, and was the talk of the town today, for obvious reasons. It's not every day that we get a sighting of one polar bear around here, never mind four!! Incidentally, I happen to think "watch your children" is an excellent rule of thumb for all parents everywhere at all times, not just when four polar bears have been spotted in the vicinity :) (Those sharp observers out there may recall that Mashooyak is the same nearby location where I went with the high school kids on two field trips by boat each of the last two Augusts, and where not a single polar bear was spotted. Nope, not a single one of them had spots.) Seeing this sign today, and hearing the excited talk in the school staff room this afternoon (the last official day of the school year), I was moved to reflect on some of the things that I have not yet done as the end of my (first?) Arctic adventure draws ever closer. Thus I present to you:

ARCTIC MARK'S COLOURFUL TOP 10 LIST OF THINGS I STILL WANT TO DO BUT FEAR I WON'T HAVE TIME TO DO BEFORE I LEAVE ULUKHAKTOK IN 5 SHORT DAYS:

10) Go on a sled-dog ride. (I think my "Bingo & Dabber" print was just my subconscious channeling this wish.)

9) Make my first Inuit-style carving. (I suspect that this traditional art form would be much more challenging - and dangerous - than printmaking for someone as accident-prone as myself, what with all the razor-sharp tools and large heavy rocks and all.)

8) Visit Tuktoyaktuk, without a doubt the coolest place name in the north, and the name that stuck in my brain from childhood as representative of everything Arctic and Inuit. And, as if it needed more cool cachet, Tuk is also the home of the legendary pingos, those striking northern landforms which are listed among the Top 50 nominees for the CBC's "Seven Wonders of Canada" contest. (If you haven't seen it yet, check out the link at http://www.cbc.ca/sevenwonders/)

7) Try eating a piece of "muktuk" (whale blubber), which to many people here is a delicacy, although we don't see much of it around here, which is a real shame, let me tell you.

6) Become the northern correspondent for a major newspaper, radio or TV news organization, although I was an occasional reporter of sorts for NewsNorth in Inuvik, sending them regular updates and batches of photos of school events. Perhaps this is an avenue I might explore further from the remote reaches of the Lower Mainland of B.C. Only time will tell...

5) Learn to fly a small airplane and become a rugged and intrepid bush pilot of the north, although I'd have to fly a great distance from here to find any bushes.

4) Go kayaking through iceberg-infested waters. Ever since I saw a picture a few years ago of someone doing this, I've always wanted to do it. I haven't seen any kayaks here, though. But we do have a plentiful supply of ice, in berg form, and in many other interesting formations too.

3) Snap a photograph of any of the following creatures out on the land while they are still in the "non-carcass" state: a) musk-ox b) wolf c) wolverine d) fox e) polar bear f) Grizzlor

2) Try to achieve #3e this weekend near Mashooyak by fending off multiple bear attacks long enough to snap a few photos by skillfully wielding some combination of the following: a) my Arctic survival knife b) my high-tech telescoping spring-loaded walking stick c) a few well-placed kicks d) prolonged screaming with wild gesticulating e) a really big gun (used by someone else, and only as a last resort, and only if a, b, c, & d fail to deter the bears, which seems absurd to even suggest!)

1) Move to a remote, fly-in Inuvialuit community north of 70, with very friendly people, an interesting and strong traditional culture, and stunningly beautiful natural landscapes, and teach high school to a great bunch of kids while discovering the joys of bingo-calling, community volleyball, riding Ski-Dogs and Quads, getting caked at Graduation Night, small-plane travel, blizzards, Texas Hold 'Em, iPods vs. iGloos, blogging in the Beaufort Delta, blizzards, traditional Inuit printmaking, jam sessions in the school shop, jigging contests in the gym, the temptations of big city life in Yellowknife and Inuvik, and the many attractions of the airports in Paulatuk and Kugluktuk; rediscovering the simpler pleasures of traditional board games, canned food (It's "Chicken in a Can"!!), tundra golf, ice hockey, hiking in winter, "Grey's Anatomy" vs. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," and a world without cell phones, pagers, Blackberrys, traffic jams or smog days; reinventing myself with a nickname that just may stay with me the rest of my life; stretching and testing and challenging myself and my boundaries in ways that I am just beginning to appreciate, on a learning curve so steep it's almost vertical; opening my eyes to other ways of living and being in the world, and other values and experiences so different from my own that I've been compelled to re-examine some of my most deeply-held convictions, while simultaneously strengthening my core values; having the most amazing, exhilarating and transformative experience of my life (so far!)....

....well, one out of ten ain't bad. ;-)

So much to do before I leave, and so little time!

(P.S. Grad photos - and other photos - are on the way!)

Happy Belated "Two-Four," eh!

noreply@blogspirit.com (Mark LeBourdais) — Thu, 24 May 2007 22:35:00 -0700

[By way of apology for the lengthy delay since my last post, I offer two words: Grad preparations. More on that this weekend!]

What better time of the year than the aftermath of the May "Two-Four" weekend (especially from such a beer-deprived place as Ulukhaktok, and especially at the tail end of May 24th) to reflect on some of the most revered symbols of our national identity? Let's start with the flag. Did you know that February 15 is "National Flag of Canada Day?" Neither did I, until I received a promotional educational package a few months ago from the Federal Department of Canadian Heritage. I learned all kinds of fascinating facts about our flag. For example, I was astonished to discover that "vexillology" is the study of flags! Who knew? (I had always assumed it was the study of what (and whom) one finds particularly vexing.) And did you know that red and white were proclaimed Canada's official colours in 1921 by King George V? And that the current design of our flag was proposed by another George, Professor George Stanley of the Royal Military College in Kingston in 1964? The main benefit to his design, in his view, was that it could be seen clearly from a distance. (And it can also, as I discovered recently, be noticed very easily from a distance if a big chunk has been ripped out of it.)

Now let's talk flag etiquette for a moment. (If you'd like to explore for yourself all the intricate nuances of flag do's and dont's - and I know you'd like nothing better - you simply must check out the following link: http://www.canadianheritage.gc.ca/progs/cpsc-ccsp/etiquette/index_e.cfm) Apparently, our flag can be flown at night without being lit, but should never be written on or marked in any way, and must not be covered by other objects. And a faded or torn flag should (I would say "must") be replaced with a new one. So what exactly are you supposed to do with your old flag, you ask? Well, I'm sure you'll be delighted to learn, as I was, that the correct form of disposing of an old flag is by burning in private. Why do I mention these last two points? Oh, no reason...just idle curiosity, really...

[My title for this photo: "O No, Canada!" My alternate title: "O, No Canada!" My alternative alternate title: "Au Revoir, Quebec!" As always, I'd welcome any other suggestions from anyone out there.]

I took the above photo on Tuesday on a walk around town. A couple of flags in town were torn during the recent windstorm we had here, and have not yet been replaced, in clear violation of Official Flag Etiquette. In the interests of community goodwill, I will refrain from identifying the owner(s) of the flag pictured above :) However, I am here serving them notice that they have now been warned about their appalling breach of etiquette, and had better get their act together PDQ, or I'll be forced to notify the notoriously humourless RCFP (Royal Canadian Flag Police :) Defy them at your peril.

Let's move now to our beloved national anthem. In the course of my two years of teaching at Helen Kalvak Elihakvik, the morning anthem has undergone an interesting transformation. At first, a pre-recorded instrumental version of "O Canada" was played over the P.A. system every morning before classes begin, just as it is in every other public school across the country. Then, at some point last year, we began to hear an a capella recorded version sung in Innuinaqtun, the indigenous language of this community. I was quite pleased by this change, as it was an interesting symbol of the process of cultural adaptation which is a central fact of life for the Inuvialuit people here. I also just liked the sound and the music of it, and the fact that I had no idea what most of the specific words actually meant. I think it's important and valuable for everyone (but especially those of us from the dominant English-speaking white majority culture) to have regular doses of that sense of dislocation, of being a linguistic outsider and a visible minority (albeit only a temporary minority who still happens to benefit from all the privileges, status and power that are part of my own heritage as a white Anglo male in mainstream Canadian society).

But let's get back to the anthem. Sometime during the past year, our school's morning anthem-ritual underwent another change. Now, every morning, Melanie Kudlak, one of the school's educational assistants (and the heart and soul of the school too, I might add), goes on the P.A. and invites any students who are interested to come down to the office to sing "O Canada" in a live a capella version over the P.A. Since the P.A. is operated through our phone system, Melanie stands in the office holding out the phone with the P.A. engaged while any number of primary-grade students sing their hearts out into the phone, and into every corner of the school. In the picture above, you can see Mel leading yesterday's assembled impromptu choir. Some days there are only two or three students who show up to sing, while on other days there can be a dozen or more. I think this new tradition is a wonderful thing, and I thought I would present to my readers here the lyrics to our national anthem which the kids sing every morning, translated into the language of their elders and ancestors, a lovely language which I wish I had made more of an effort to learn, and which is struggling to maintain a foothold against the overwhelming tide of English from TV, movies, radio, music, popular culture and the internet, and which might perhaps stand a fighting chance of not only surviving but flourishing if more initiatives like this morning anthem were undertaken):

"O CANADA" (Innuinaqtun version)

Atanik God inungnik tamainik
Ikayyurumainaravin ilvit
Tautukit Kanadamium
Taima nunaptingni
Uvaptingnilu inuit ukpigiquvlutin
Annauyikput tuhaaktigut
Naguguktillugit Kanadakput
Naguguktillugit Kanadakput

You probably noticed right away, as I did, the presence of the word "God" in the first line. (I was indignant years ago when the government reinstated that word in the notorious and controversial "God keep our land glorious and free" line in our anthem, and it still irks me every time I hear it, but that's a story for another day.) I asked Melanie about that oddly conspicuous word in this version, and she explained that there is no word for "God" in Innuinaqtun, so they use the English word. Hmmm...how very interesting is that little nugget! In the context of the history of Christian colonization of the Arctic, and the resulting virtual extinction of traditional Inuit spiritual beliefs and practices (such as shamanism), a few questions come to mind about the connections between language, history and politics, but alas, it's getting late, so these are questions for another day and another post.)

Last, but certainly not least, we come to good old Bob and Doug, a.k.a. The Mackenzie Brothers, from that classic Canadian comedy show, SCTV. Starting as improvised filler between the "real" skits, the Mackenzie brothers (created and performed by Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas) became popular enough to warrant their own movie, "Strange Brew," as well as a brief recording deal, and in the process they created an entire language and cultural reference system which helped our uncertain nation define itself more clearly in our own eyes and in the eyes of the world. These two characters have managed to weave themselves so deeply into the Canadian (self-)consciousness, that CBC-TV presented a special celebratory documentary on the Mackenzie brothers' 24th ("Two-Four") anniversary, which happened to coincide (at least the broadcast did) with the "May Two-Four" weekend. I watched a good chunk of the show with the gang at Sean and Vanessa's place last weekend, and I laughed just like I did when I first watched their crazy cornball antics on the original show. I was amazed at how strong my gleeful reaction was to seeing all of those classic skits, and hearing everyone from Matt Groening to Geddy Lee to Paul Martin call each other "Hoser!" and tell each other to "Take off, eh!" There's still (and will always be, I think) something perversely compelling and hilarious about the Mackenzie Brothers. In the same way as our strikingly distinctive flag, and our stirring multilingual anthem (not to mention the "50 Greatest Canadian Inventions," and the latest CBC mega-event, the "Seven Wonders of Canada") do, Bob and Doug make me proud to be Canadian, in the best sense of the word. Beauty, eh?